into the woods...

Without fail last week caught me off guard more than I have been in a really long time. Long story short, while driving back from California to Colorado my car decided to break down in Vegas... FUN RIGHT? Well, actually... yeah. For the two days that I ended up meeting up with an old friend. Then Monday happened and I was informed that my car wouldn't be ready for a week! Well, luckily I ended up getting a ride to Denver so that I could hang out with some friends until I had to fly back to Vegas, pick up my car, and finally drive back to Colorado.


So, finally I am back in Steamboat Springs, where I am spending some much needed God time and enjoying the beauty that is exuding from this place. Last week was hard, its never easy to be caught off guard or to realize that your aren't the one in control. But, as I sit here I am reminded of just how much of a blessing being stripped of what you thought you needed really is. 


In two days, I get to start working at my backpacking job for the summer. Boy, is my heart jumpy to get started. I have never felt more right about the place God has me. I can't think of anywhere better in the world(besides Africa) that you get the opportunity to invest into people in some of their most vulnerable moments. I look forward to sharing...


Into the woods I go.


With that said if you feel lead to write to me this summer. My address at camp is: P.O. box 770969 Steamboat Springs, Colorado 80477

Ready.

                 I have been back from Uganda for six months now. For, those six months I told myself that while I was back “home” I would use this time to re-define myself, to finally be defined as something other than the girl that went to Africa. So, I took all the advice I was given, I took time to process, regroup, made every effort to be present, I did everything I could to not bring up Africa, anything to be "normal again". A search of sorts to find the true desires of my heart.

                 But perhaps I had it wrong all along, perhaps all that I was looking for was already deeply etched in my heart. Perhaps, I had gotten really good at the art of forgetting. That “art” however left me so empty and so unsure, to the point of numbness and isolation. It wasn’t till recently when I met a friend that asked all the right questions. A friend that opened up those deeps parts of my heart and reminded me what was there all along. To most of you this will come as no surprise, that within the walls of my heart in the spaces I have for too long been afraid to talk about was a place called Africa.

                 So, recently I set out on a different type of search one that allowed me to feel again, to be released from the bondage of numbness and remember someone special. His name is James. If it was not for this handsome, charming, and wisdom filled boy I would have no story to tell. Because he started it all 5 years ago, on my very first day in the Zambian bush in a lovely place were I taught and lived, called Children’s Town.

                 We all have people in our lives that in instant change everything. For me that was James. With in the first five minutes of knowing him I knew I would never be the same again. To paint you a picture of the conditions I lived in: no electricity, no running water, no bathroom, and a slate of concrete outside to bathe in a bucket. Lets just say my first few days, okay my first few weeks were rough. James would come over and help me build a fire and tell me stories about his life. How his mother had died and his step-father would beat him eventually forcing him to the streets, where he would spend his days begging for money. He told me that if it wasn’t for God he never would have lived long enough to make it to Children’s Town (a school for orphans and kids from the street). He told me that now, no matter what he had something to live for. More remarkable than anything else is in the seven months I got to spend with him, he never stopped telling me how much he believed in me.

                 To make a long story short, short because I am going to beg my good friend Laura Zirkle to make a documentary about me going back to find James and see where he is now. It has been 3 years since the last time I saw him. If my math is at all correct he would be almost 18 now. I want to go back to hug that sweet boy again, but I also want the world(and by that I mean my closest friends) to be able to hear his story. In a world where we have forgotten to believe… this is a story about believing in James. We have everything to learn from people and the places furthest from us. My hope is that maybe, just maybe that by sharing this with all of you, that it will challenge you to dig deep in the places hidden and realize that all you have ever loved, everything your passionate about, and all the true desires of your heart are right there waiting for you.

i eat like crap.

I strolled around the grocery store for what seemed like way too long. After being in Uganda for as long as I was the most things seem overwhelming but trying to shop and cook for myself seems the most daunting task of them all. On my mission to become "more domestic" (as I tell my friends).

I bought what I considered to be "healthy"...

Then I proceeded to the check out line where I noticed the a young man with a banging body. Only to take note of his purchases...

Lets just say I am seriously going to start considering what I am putting in my body. I just have a hard time getting over my habit of loving things that are the color blue, even if it is the furthest thing from "healthy".

any easy "healthy" meal ideas are welcomed here.

better late than never

took a trip to Zanzibar in August last year. 

my friend just sent me a few of the pics.

everyone needs to go here at least once in their life.

 (((jambiani i miss you.)))

thanx sof. miss you.

I am back.

Wow... what a whirlwind.

So to make a few excuses:

1.I have been really overwhelmed being home.

2. My computer was in and out of the shop for a good

chunk of the time I have been back.

3. I Have been secretly having a really hard time.

But there is hope... & lots of it.

I am back in Steamboat.

Doing life with some of the most incredible people.

School is.... well, school.

& when it comes to everyday life I seem to be adjusting well.

But, like anyone who just spent the last 8 months of their life in Uganda. I am a bit shattered, lost, and maybe a little misunderstood.

Honestly, friends for now you won't get much out of me. Everyday, I am relearning what it means to love people well. Nelson Mandela once said something pretty profound about returning to a place unchanged to see the ways in which you, yourself have altered.

& Oh golly-gee-wizz, am I different. Besides the noticeable fifteen pound weight gain most of the change has occurred in my heart. I spend my mornings on my knees quietly waiting, patiently for God to reveal what's next. But for now, I am channeling all this emotion in to the creative side of my brain(which I believe is the right). I am pouring myself into my writing, my music and my latest and greatest hobby crocheting(which turns out to be the cheapest form of therapy).

I am calling the business, if its even that.

for the love of ben.

Because, we all have someone who has come into our lives momentarily that drives us to higher purpose. Without sharing all of Ben's story (thats another blog entry) the four year old boy without knowing it broke my heart in 9 million pieces and The Lord(at least I think so) is using all that beautiful mess to make stuff!

Thats right, stuff.

Here is my first piece

& by the way, this is sweet ben.

Thats all for now.

I am not selling anything yet.

all proceeds will go to ben and children like him.